Don’t Think That You Are Incompetent

“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.”

Males are assumed to be the stronger of the two sexes living on planet earth, while in reality this assumption holds true only when it comes to physical strength (although Angelina Jolie might prove this false in some cases). Males won’t agree, but actually the truth is that mentally men aren’t as strong as they are physically. And they try to compensate for this weakness by increasing their physical power and competence.

When in a relationship his deepest fear is that he is incompetent. While he wants to take care of the female he loves, he is also afraid of performing up to the mark. He starts to compensate for this by increasing his power and competence. The hidden problem is that his increased power will succeed in suppressing his fear of being incompetent but only for some short period. Later on when he will find himself in some similar situation again, where he won’t be able to give her what she wants, then his confidence will crumble. He will start running away from her just because he is afraid of hurting her.

If on the other hand males knew what the reality was then they would love to make efforts for her without thinking about the end results. Someone needs to tell them that women care for the efforts, which males make for her and NOT the end results. She would love to see him working hard for her, and somehow, if his hard work fails to give some fruitful results, then too she won’t ever want him to be discouraged.

Failures are a part of life and if you have failed then you must learn from those mistakes and gear up for your next fight. Mostly males are afraid of giving just because he thinks he might have to face failures or disapprovals or corrections. This happens because in childhood his small achievements either went unnoticed or weren’t appreciated. This forced him to develop the feeling that he might fail again even though he is a grown up now.

This is the time when he shouldn’t stop trying because it is his efforts, which count instead of the end result. Please do make a note of this.

It is OK to fail.

“Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to when all they need is one reason why they can.” - Willis Whitney

Committing mistakes is human nature and those who don’t make mistakes aren’t human. It is that simple. People tend to get demoralized from their failures and the end result is that they start avoiding those situations (after all this is the easiest way out.) Avoiding a particular situation might give him peace for sometime but some day he will have to face that situation once again and this is the time when he will stand there as a loser. So the best way out to win over your failures is to face them.

Similarly when in any relationship males try their best to make her happy and in the process they tend to commit mistakes which might hurt her (although this is rarely true as she also cares for him.) Such mistakes force him to avoid giving as he develops a feeling that he is incapable of giving. This increases the distance between the two and for no big reason the relationship weakens.

At times she might be stuck with some problem and would expect him to help her out with it. Now due to his male characteristics he will eagerly jump in so as to solve that problem. But if he fails to come up with some solution (and to add to this if she says you fail every time) than such a situation is enough to demoralize him and he start avoiding the other chances of helping her out.

All such situations mentioned above have one root cause; he cares for her and wants her to be happy. If somehow he finds out that he might be the reason behind her sadness then he prefers to withdraw that reason away from her i.e. withdraws him away from her.

Males here must understand that she cares for his efforts, NOT the end results. She is impressed to see that he is eager to bring happiness on her face. He needs to see the reality, he is human and mistakes are a part of his human nature. For her, relationship is more important than work and they care equally for him as he cares for her. She won’t ever be happy if he is demoralized and to confirm many times she would say “you tried, and that is enough for me.”

Males must never let confusions and misunderstandings creep into their relationship just because of some regular mistakes, which he made (and for which she never cared.)

It is OK to make mistakes and it is OK to fail.

How To have fun when it’s raining outside?

• Catch up on some reading. You may not think about it, but magazines and comics make good reading too. Grab a small snack and get cozy with your book.

• Hit the tunes and exercise to them. Dancing is exercise too, only it doesn’t feel so hard or bothersome, but don’t look in a miror if you are a bad dancer.

• Have a bubble bath. Add a good facial mask and a manicure/ pedicure. While you’re at it, give yourself a new hairdo.

• Also, nothing is more more romantic than kissing in the rain.

• Play with your pet. If you have one, this can be a good time to catch up on some grooming, chatting and love lavishing.

• Clean up your room. It doesn’t sound fun, but it will get your room neat.